I became a mother at 42.
FORTY-TWO.
Even with the average age of first-time mothers going up (and it’s even older in NYC, with the average age being around 30+ years), I’m still significantly older than just about every other first time mother.
Despite being a planner my entire life, Life had other plans and timeline for me. I didn’t meet Ben until I was 34. We didn’t marry until I was 37. And then there were a bunch of things happening in my life that made me postpone parenthood. In spite of the ever looming “fertility cliff” (also watch this from Adam Ruins Everything), I chose to put off becoming a mother until I was in a state where I could focus my emotional and mental energy on caring for someone who is solely dependent upon me.
I’m finding that there are some advantages to becoming a parent at a much older age.
1. Financially we’re very stable. I don’t need to worry about our ability to pay for anything related to being pregnant or caring for child in the future.
2. I accomplished the major goals for my career, and so I’m in a position where I don’t need to worry about “climbing up the ladder.” I’m very fortunate to have job security and I don’t need to worry about having to balance a career and caring for my child.
3. I’m way more relaxed about raising a child than I would have been if I had become a parent in my 20s or early 30s. If I had been a younger parent, I know I would have been concerned about raising my child the “correct” way. I would have been caught up in worrying about what other parents are doing and freaking out whether I’m truly doing enough to give my child the best chance in life. I know that children are resilient, there’s no one correct way to raise a child, and what they really need most of all, is a loving stable family life. Anything else is gravy. Don’t worry, I’m not going to be a laissez-faire parent, but I’m far more secure about the choices that I make about what works for us as a family than I would have been if I had been younger.
4. All of these things resulted in me in having the luxury of being able to really enjoy motherhood because I don’t have to worry. I’m not stressed about money, my job, or whether I’m doing it “right.”
So while I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that people wait as long as I did to become a parent, it’s also not a bad thing to enter parenthood at a later stage in life.
I think it’s so great, for all of the reasons you mentioned. Everyone has a different path, and this made the most sense for you! Also, this made me remember that my great-grandmother had my grandmother (my mother’s mother) when she was 43. And that was in 1913! Probably a lot more shocking back then. 🙂
Wow! Yeah, it was kinda scandalous that my mom had my youngest sister when she was in her late 30s and this was in the 90s.
I have several friends who didn’t become parents until after 40. I even know a couple who became parents in their early 50s (their wives are a bit younger, though). They seem really happy as parents at this later stage in their lives. I think being more secure emotionally and financially is a big bonus in later life parenthood.
My son was an unplanned pregnancy when I was 24. I was the first of my friends to become a mom (by a lot), but I was fortunate to be financially secure then. On the other hand, I went through grad school with a toddler, which was a hell of a challenge. I was exhausted all the time. However, now my kiddo is out of the house (he’s 25), and I have my life to myself while I’m still young enough to enjoy it. So there are pros and cons both ways.
I’m so happy for you!
Thank you! I don’t think there’s a perfect time to have a child, just times that would probably work better than other times.
I have friends who had children earlier so they’re getting ready to have their children go off to college, meanwhile I’m talking about diapers. LOL
I envy you for waiting until the timing was right for you. If I had it to do over again, I certainly would have done things differently regarding who I married and when. Had I been a bit older I would have hopefully have been wiser and not made the same decisions. Motherhood is one of the best things to have happened to me, though. BTW, my daughter is a HUGE Adam Ruins Everything fan and we’ve seen every single episode of his, some more than once.
Your daughter has amazing tastes! My husband and I are big fans of Adam Conover and we got to see him live when he did a show in Brooklyn. He was absolutely fabulous and presented himself just the way he appears on TV.
She would love to see him live. That’s awesome you got to see that.
I think it’s great to wait for all the reasons you note. He’s a gorgeous little guy too! I hope Bandit still isn’t trying to give him away.